- The child who is loved has many names.
- It’s not a birthday/party unless someone cries.
- This one is self-explanatory.
- If you don’t listen to your mother and father, you’ll listen to the dogs howl.
- Was this a Grandma expression? —Ed
Yes, Ed, it IS a Grandma expression. -Mom (via Beth)
- Get me a wet paper towel and a dry paper towel.
- This was Dad’s universal first request when addressing nearly any home repair project or first-aid emergency.
- Giff me many dollarsss.
- Details to come.
- Peep.
- Sing at the dinner table and you'll get a crazy wife/husband.
- Probably a Polish proverb, but good advice in any case, as is evidenced by all the Gumnick in-laws and all the dinner table singing during our times growing up.
It's true, it's really true! Do not delay, stop singing, right now! 
- You shouldn’t joke.
- This expression, which must always be spoken in a stern, serious voice, is based on the superstition that you can make something reeeeally bad happen by joking about it. For example, “Look, I’m gonna poke my eye out.” May have been coined by Mez.
- Don't make noise just to make noise.
- Dad said this, probably quite often, any time we were making noise just to make noise. I never understood what the big deal was until I became a teacher. Now I understand, and use the phrase fairly frequently myself.
- Cheers to the ears!
- This is a traditional family toast. Mom and Dad must have used it and it was really "Cheers to the Years," but we kids changed it to "Cheers to the ears!" (This could also go in the category of Mondegreens.)
- Don't tink and drive.
- This phrase was coined by Jacob (our Swanson nephew) when he was young. We would toast and say "tink" when our glasses tapped together. He came up with this clever slogan (probably after hearing public service announcements about drinking and driving.)
- If you put new shoes on the kitchen/dining room table, they will hurt.
- This is probably a Polish proverb (aren't they all?), definitely came from Grandma, and probably was used by Mom as one more way to try to get us to put our stuff away instead of just dropping it when we walked in the door.
- Everybody out of the pool.
- Said when it was time to go, under any circumstances. Started out as actually meaning "Get out of the pool, it's time to go" but eventually it just started to mean it's time to go.
- Come and get it 'fore I slop it to the hogs!
- I thought of this one while I was fixing dinner last night. I don't know if Mom said it first, and I don't know where it came from (I even looked on the Internet to see if it was a movie quote or something, but I couldn't find it). All I know is, I remember us calling this out to everybody when dinner was ready. Anybody remember anything else?
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- A wet bird never flies at night.
- Was this a Grandma Gumnickism? (Variation/derivative: A wet dog never flies at night.)
| The wet bird never flying at night I think has its origin in the old joke about the guy searching for the meaning of life. When, after many trials, the great lama on the mountain tells him that a wet bird never flies at night, the searcher is in disgust and says, "You mean I came all this way and you tell me a wet bird never flies at night. That's ridiculous." And the lama says, "You mean a wet bird really DOES fly at night?" --Mom (via Beth) |
- Two male dogs always fight.
- What about Phanny and Felix? They got along pretty well.
- You’re not making my dreams come true.
- Joan was about three years old when she said this. She suffers from “Disney Princess Syndrome.”
- It’s kind of small...
- Anne said this when she was giving either Beth or Jane a gift. Then, she must have said it at another time (with another gift). So, Beth and Jane started using it every time they gave (or received) a gift. This is said in an apologetic/pathetic tone indicating that the gift might not be good enough.
- Uncle Phanny with the Roving Hands
- Mom’s Phanny earned this nickname after attempting to “get freaky” with both Stella and Zoey on various visits to Mom and Dad’s house.
- You can tell a nice girl by the way she says @*#!
- Substitute your favorite bad word--Dad would say this to Anne (potty-mouth) when she used "colorful" language in the home. Now Bob says it to her.
- Boots on Parade
- This came from a poem I wrote in elemetary school. I don't remember the whole poem, but the part I can recall is, "Boots on Parade, Boots on Parade, oh what fun at the Boots on Parade." Somehow this one stuck in the Gumnick vocabulary. Maybe due to the questionable interpretation of the poem.... Is it a bunch of boots "on parade" or is it a parade where all the participants have their boots on? The writer (and the poem, like all good writing) leaves the reader with something to think about.....
OMG--I can't stop laughing about this one!
- Dog is my co-pilot
- This comes from Bob, but it was quickly adopted by all of us who like to take our dogs for ridies, especially those of us whose dogs enjoy the middle front position for optimum windshield viewing. Sidebar: Mom used to make these "neck" pillows.... You know what I am talking about.... Well, I had one that had gotten kind of ratty, and Stella always enjoyed riding right next to me between the front seats in the Corolla, so I placed it in between the seats over the emergency break where I had previously had some other crap of material or something. Well, it fit just perfectly in the spot and for her little butt. I told mom about it and she later on MADE ONE ESPECIALLY FOR STELLA FOR RIDING IN THE CAR. I AM NOT EVEN KIDDING. Every co-pilot should ride in such comfort.
- Tediousity Q-Zero
- This is a phrase that Anne remembers, but Ed only remembered the Q-Zero part of the phrase. Q-Zero has something to do with physics, so maybe Dad knows the origin. Anne remembered it when a "tedious" song was playing at work. It's funny how these things come back to us in dribs-and-drabs (not a Gumnickism.) Anyway, it's an expression that means "as tedious as it gets"--the maximum amount of tediousity allowed by law.
- Jonathan Jo
- Mom used to say "Jonathan Jo" whenever one of us kids asked for an item (almost always an odd item and it was usually for school) and she could actually provide it! She would almost always just say the first three lines of the following poem by A. A. Milne
Jonathan Jo
Has a mouth like an "O"
And a wheelbarrow full of surprises;
If you ask for a bat,
Or for something like that,
He has got it, whatever the size is.
If you're wanting a ball,
It's not trouble at all;
Why, the more that you ask for, the merrier--
Like a hoop and a top,
And a watch that won't stop,
And some sweets, and an Aberdeen terrier.
Jonathan Jo
Has a mouth like an "O"
But this is what makes him so funny:
If you give him a smile,
Only once in a while,
Then he never expects any money!
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