Gumnictionary

83 billion 

adj., the number Mary always used when she was exaggerating. It was contagious, apparently, because now I always use “83 billion” whenever I mean “a lot—really!” (Example: “I am using Gumnickopedia as a place to hide from the 83 billion things that I ought to be doing today.”) 

Bee-in-Bonnet Syndrome 

n., a condition with which many Gumnicks are afflicted which makes the sufferer BOUND AND DETERMINED to do SOMETHING, usually something they just thought of this very minute, and nothing but nothing will keep them from doing that thing. This syndrome can make one incredibly efficient in accomplishing projects no matter what else may be going on in the house or in the world for that matter, so sometimes it can be of great benefit. But more often it makes the sufferer do things like decide that she wants a haircut and wants it now, rather than bothering to make an appointment at a reputable salon (which would mean waiting, possibly for DAYS before getting a cut). This can lead to impulsive trips to "Mediocre-Clips" that end in disaster (just ask Beth). It is thought that this syndrome is hereditary and has been passed down from Dad, but nobody has ever had as severe a case as Dad.  

Biff cone 

n., nickname for “Beth Joan,” and also a tiny ice-cream cone.

“This looks like a big job.”

Big job 

n., euphemism for the elimination of solid human waste. We don’t know if this is a Gumnick term or a regional usage.

Boompsie ride 

n., ultra-fun way of going down stairs, on your butt instead of your feet. Bad for carpeting, annoying to adults, but way fun for kids. 

Dearie-doll 

n., affectionate term of endearment; can also be used patronizingly. Probably originated with Mez.

Dining room walker! 

interj., what Mom would holler at Gard when he committed the faux pas of taking a shortcut through the dining room in the Pennsylvania house. This sacred room was off limits to children and animals after Mom bought an expensive oriental rug to go in there.

To “do a grandma” 

v., to prepare and serve a meal to your family without ever sitting down to eat yourself. 

Edible fungus, 42 pounds of (var. 36 pounds…, 53 pounds…, etc.) 

n., term of endearment; has its origins in Homer Price by Robert McCloskey, in which the residents of Centerburg remember their pioneer roots with a pageant about the miraculous food source that saved their town from disaster. There must have been a movie or TV version, because I remember Mom singing a little song about the “42 pounds of edible fungus in the wilderness a-growin’….” At the appropriate point in the song, Mom would reference the weight of whichever child she was singing to at the time. 

FAAAANtastic! 

interj., favorite expression of excitement of Dad, and the source of much good-natured teasing thereof by all of us kids. (This superlative is most effective when delivered in a faux-Baltimore accent.)

Geno bucket 

n., definition to come (or someone else write something here!) 

Girl cheese sandwich (var. girled cheese sandwich) 

n., similar to a grilled cheese sandwich, but made specifically for The Little Girls (or at least that is what we thought). 

“Keep your hands off, or you’ll Gumnick it.”

To Gumnick 

v., to try to open a car door while the driver is in the process of unlocking the doors, thereby jamming the lock.

Haggie-on-a-stick 

n., a type of magic wand with the power to make The Little Girls run squealing away from you, made by affixing a clump of onion grass to the end of a stick of any convenient length. Most potent if the onion grass has been pulled out of the ground some time earlier so that the stems are wilted (and extra-haggie).

Also refers to a marshmallow that has been burnt, dropped in the fire, then picked up again with the same stick and offered to another around the campfire. (Isn't this the origin?)  

Anne concurs with me that onion grass was the first use of this expression. 

Hing 

n., A classic Gumnick insult, possibly originated by Mary. Don't know where it comes from or what it means, but it is DEFINITELY not a compliment when you are called one. 

Kicking machine 

n., the movement of a dog's back leg when his/her belly is being scratched in a particularly pleasurable way. 

Kissing booth 

n., strategically placed dog (originally Gard) on a staircase at approximately head height to those passing by. Makes for good quick dog affection opportunities. 

A four-way kittenelle on the occasion of Jane’s graduation from medical school, 1995.

Kittenelle 

n., a group hug involving any number of Gumnicks. Usually prefaced by the phrase “n-way,” where n the number of Gumnicks (including dogs) involved, as in the following sentence: "Rich and Jaz and I had a three-way kittenelle this morning in the kitchen; that is when I remembered the term."

Apparently, a toilet paper company has picked up on the term and claimed kittenelle as a brand name, as you can hear by this radio ad: [Kittenelle] 

Lasterday 

n., this term was coined by a Swanson child. A very convenient way of referring to any day in the past, could be a day ago or a year ago.

An actual lavalier pendant.

Lavalier 

n., Auntie's delicate name for a most indelicate part of the male anatomy. In addition to similaritites in appearance, this probably also comes from the mid-century dating practice of a boy "lavaliering" his girlfriend (giving her the pendant that he had from his fraternity). Kind of like getting pinned, getting lavaliered meant you were going steady only more serious. You can see the double meaning, which gives extra insight into how dirty-minded Auntie must have been. Makes me wish I had known her better.  

Nth-step sitter! 

n. (also interj.), a term of endearment for Gard that originated in his habit of hanging out on the carpeted stairs in the Broomall house. His step selection was a function of weather conditions; on a particularly cold day, he might be a 10th-step sitter; on a warmer day, he was usually a fourth- or fifth-step sitter.

Nussy-Niddle or Nussy-Nittle 

n., one who cares for the sick. The sick were usually furnished with an annoying bell and Nussy-Niddle would respond to the ringing, bringing them refreshments, a trash can to throw up in, or a cool cloth for their fevered brow.

Peeps 

n. people. Also, sounds made by a Little Girl when she’s trying to get a spanking.

Peezwalla (sp?) 

n., you guessed it!—a term of endearment or mild oath. Beth—You need to ask Mom if she has any recollection of the etymology of this one. 

Poodgie (var. pooji, poogie, puji^[1]) 

n., I have been trying to think of THIS word for days!! I knew there was a word I was trying to bring back to my consciousness, I am so relieved that I finally thought of it.... I don't know what brought it back to my head.... But anyway, here it is.... Poodgie is another Gumnick insult/term of endearment (same thing in this family). I think we used this one a lot, but it has been so long I couldn't remember it. And I think it originated with Mary, but I am not sure of that. 

Anne reminded me that pooji also has an emphatic form, poojirama. 

Posternoodle (var. posternool, posternella, postranool) 

n., a term of endearment or mild oath; origin is sketchy (It comes from Pasta Fazool, as far as I know.  ), but may also be derived in some way from the word posterior.

Pozween safety equipment

Pozween 

n., a term of endearment or mild oath, this probably originated as a reference to the smell of dirty diapers and was derived from the name of the toxic gas phosgene.

Rampage 

n., A celebratory wild run around the house by a dog, usually just after a bath, a nail clipping, a brushing, or an ear check. First performed by Gard, but the tradition has been carried on by such dogs as Stella and (fill in names of other rampaging Gumnick dogs here).
v., to go on such a rampage.

Rampager 

n., One who rampages.

Runcible 

adj., slotted or perforated (as a spoon) [from The Owl and The Pussycat, by Edward Lear]

Note: Gumnicks have this word defined differently from the rest of the world where a runcible spoon is actually a curved fork. See runcible spoon (comment by Bob)

But we’re in good company, since the site referenced above says, “Lear does not appear to have had any firm idea of what the word ‘runcible’ means.” Anyway, why do you always have to be so scroobious? 

Note: If I had known of this place: runciblespoon.com I would have registered there for the wedding.  

I have the pepper grinder that they show on the top right. It cost a fortune. 

Thirst-mon-zilla (var. Thirst-mon-zittle)

n., A very thirsty dog.

To “go sale-ing”

v., To shop at yard/garage sales on a Saturday morning, a regular Gumnick practice, along with thrift shopping and picking up other people’s junk off the side of the road.  

Bunnies—not the shooting kind.

To shoot a bunny

v., to cut the cheese. Variation: bunny-shooter (one who shoots bunnies). Other non-Gumnick but equally fun references to the passing of gas: “escapees” (—Richard Jones), “distant thunder” or “storms brewing” (—other aquaintances of Beth who you don’t know so there is no point in listing here). Feel free to ass—I mean add—your own variations here. Each household seems to find its own charming way to refer to this act that Oprah Winfrey says we should be doing 14 times a day.  

Okay, this entry could go on forever. I worked with a girl whose family referred to it as "tilting." - Anne

Sundogging—Why Ginger is no longer considered a “foster dog”

Strantfort (var. strantfernt)^[1] 

n., a term of endearment or mild oath; origin unknown.

Subtle 

adj., euphemism for bland (e.g., “This soup has a subtle flavor”), coined by Jim “Half-full glass” Gumnick.

Sundogger Stella Jones

Sundogger 

n., one who sundogs.

Sundogging 

v., the canine act of finding a spot of sunshine to lie in (typically done indoors).

Unidentified woman enjoying a tootle-e-toot when she probably oughta be working.

Tootle-e-toot (var. toodle-y-toot, tootlie-toot)^[1] 

n., toilet paper/paper towel roll used for making noise ("make noise just to make noise") by humming or tootle-ing into the end of it to produce Gumnick-music.

Wassies 

n. (plural), toddler name for horses, coined by John or Jane, not sure which.  

Wasting time 

v. (gerund form), euphemism for being in the bathroom engaged in an act of, er, um…concentration (cf. “big job”). I believe this was coined by Beth one day when we were getting ready to leave the house. Someone asked where Dad was, and she hollered, “He’s in the bathroom wasting time!”